Depressed.

Have you ever felt like this before?

1) When you're at home, when things get lost, your family members will put all the blames on you and tell you, where's the things. (When you've no nuts over it.)
2) When you're on MSN with bf, he asked for opinions, he blames you for giving the negative opinions.
3) When you're on MSN with cousin, he asked for opinions, he blames you for giving negative opinions.
4) When so many such things happened, your precious BF did not console you, YET asked you to go and think over your characters.
5) When you worked for whole day long over the weekends, until 11pm, most of your friends and colleagues would said, "your bf will be coming to fetch you home?" I replied, "Wait for another thousands years."
6) When case 5 was mentioned to another friend, he said, "Maybe he will not get worried that you will be kidnapped by bad guys."
7) When you mentioned that you does not want to live in this world, your bf said, "Do you always think of death when such things occurred?"

Above said, just a few words to summarize everything.
DISAPPOINTED, DEPRESSED. and NOTHING ELSE

So, in my whole life for about 20 years, going to 21 years, my life in living the world is just useless. People needs me, they will come to me. When they don't, they will /ignore me. If it were to be friends, I know, too many circle of friends, you will have difficulties in maintaining the relationship with every single one. But, this were to be BF, I'm utterly disappointed.

So this taught me a lesson that, do not rely on BF so much.

Remembering I took up 2 part-time jobs. All the sake of numbing myself. I guess, I did make the right choice. Though BF is not working anymore, he's just as usual to be so busy. So having a girlfriend is just the name. Nothing much. I guess, working and working. It's not tired. Though working hours are long, but they are not tired. The tired part is, you have to wake up early to work.

Perhaps, I'm just a strong woman in every of my relationship life.

Seriously, I miss the time during my ITE, there's a group of guys treating me like their sisters. They accompanied me all the way when I'm down. They stood by me when I need them. (Well, that was the time when I'm still single.)Now? All have gone to do their things. NS ones, went to army. Working ones, went to work.

Apart from that, now I do have a boyfriend. But when I need someone to stand by me, he will be the first to run away. It's been a long relationship with him. I do enjoy the days being with him. The days he treated me nicely, like a princess. The days we argued and quarreled, like a tigress. So many months, I've known this fact. He may show that he's very interested in me. But I know, the percentage of his love for me is not more than 60%. He may feel that my love for him is very little. But I swear, my love for him is definitely 100%. I may not show on face. But I do. Every single friends of mine who really know me well, they will understand me. Over the 21 months relationship with him, I will wish, that he will care for me just like those we watched over the drama. Well, I know, he will be saying, it's all drama. There's no such things happening in real life. Somehow, I know. He doesn't know when do i need him by my side.