離別篇 （二）

離別對我而言，真的真的不好受~

我依然還是掉眼淚……
不然，就是眼淚在眼睛里打鑽……

------------------------------------------------


《最近》我聽了
有很多很多的回憶……
回憶依然在我腦力的轉啊轉~



你…… 過的還好嗎？







我想我變的更情緒化了。

“我們…… 會幸福吧” 這是歌完了以后的一句話

離別

我不喜歡離別

離別會讓人掉眼淚
不由知足的淚會從臉頰掉下

也許 我經過了不好的離別
然而 我現在看到離別的劇情
我會掉眼淚

離別的戲碼 依然會讓我想起 ‘我跟他’
我的眼淚就是我依然從我的臉頰滑落

結論是 我不喜歡離別

離別是感傷 :(

still

It's the exact same green color I had that he had received from.
It's salmon sashimi, from my influence.
But did you know?
I've just learned a new 'way' to eat the salmon sashimi?
When ordering salmon sashimi, ask for the belly part.
Definitely, thumbs up &worth the price.

The picture he used was way nicer than his current one(looks).
I feel that his current one looks abit gay instead of the 帅气.

&I dont know why. I'm having a strong feeling that, prolly he still do treat me like a friend. Perhaps, he still remembers me. &I'm thinking &having the urge to like send him his birthday wish, prolly, he'll also do the same on my birthday itself?

Perhaps,
final conclusion:

I still miss him. :(


if only you remove all the blocks :/

its8thmonthsalready

It's 04 again.
Itstheeightiethmonthalready.
Time flies.

&his birthday just over.
been pondering if I should give him an email to wish him a happy birthday.
but friends around me, telling me that, it's not necessary because he just dont bother.
&why should I. However, I still feel like, to me, as a friend, I should just wish him.

Well, I did in my heart. on my blog, in the Twitter. It's just a matter of fact if he knows it anot.
I guess, that's the best I can do? Prolly, just what my friends said, he just don't care?

I seriously wonders how do I get over these eightiethmonths. I guess, credits goes to my friends? But time really flies :(

Voiceless over a night

I guess, coughing do spreads.
&I also don't know what happened to me.

Just over a night, I was on the phone with my friend, from my 100% voice to like 50%
&my voice from 50% dropped all the way to 0% now.

Yes, it's 0%.
How can this be?!
I also don't know what happened. :/

I guess just too many nights of sleeping late &waking up early. :(

李聖傑

Okay, this is a sup random post.

Just watched&heard 李聖傑‘s song &reminds me of 《最近》
I remember the last time I heard 《最近》,
I still cried.

Hence, I'm kinda of scared of listening back to this song.
Nevertheless, I still like this song.

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

KL Trip

&here I'm back again.

Just take a note that,

I'll be away for KL Trip from 23 June to 25 June 2010 :)

&I read back my last post. It's been weeks since I lasted updated.

I also donno what to update about thou I've pretty busy schedule down the road.

Anyways!
Hopefully I'll be back again to post some photos then!

unwell

I was totally unwell after drinking The Ultimate + The Extreme from Coffeebean yesterday.

1. Very bad headache after a few mouths of drink.
2. Suppose to get to bed at 12+am, but caught on phone chat until 3.30am.
3. After phone call, vomited!
4. Pop-ed one giddy+vomiting pill &dropped dead.
5. Woke up at 11am. -.-

&I've learnt not to drink Ultimate+Extreme. I totally cannot take it.
Super long ever since I've vomited. -.-

Terrible feeling. :(

Pictures speaks a thousands words.

Pictures speaks a thousand words.




Graduation Day (21st May 2010)








Secondary School Class Gathering (22th May 2010)








Post-Graduation Celebration (23th May 2010)





Ever since the previous post,
I've been going out almost everyday.
Yes, it's everyday. I mean everyday.

Thus, if anyone asking if I'm feeling better,
there's only one answer to it.

"As long as I'm busy with things,
I'll not think of it.
So far, might be still fine.
Still, empty time = previous post."


Updates:
24th: training at Pasir Ris East CC as Assistant Facilitator; attended classmate's dad's funeral. &when paying the respect at altar, my tears in the eye rolling. I know it's sadness.

25th: works as Assistant Facilitator in Day Camp @Pasir Ris, Hai Sing Secondary School; went to Potong Pasir to return the gown.

26th: Shag ttm(to the max); in the end, neck strained; rest at home.

27th: Interview at Eunos; met up with cousin.

28th: Dinner gathering with Wilson+Andy before Wilson going in for NS(BMT).

29th: Coffee talk with bff.




After coffee talk (on the journey home), I realised that, I'm kinda mentally drained. I feel like shutting myself from the others. :(

Remember this:
Virgo is a emotional creature.
They are sensitive.
他們是重感情的一種regardless of any issue.

At least, to me, I'm one of them.

I saw him after 6 months at my graduation ceremony.

I'm supposed to blog about my Graduation Ceremony held at Convention Center.
(By the way, I just got home+bathed at 3am yet to sleep + blog first.)

Before even I get into this topic, I would like to blog out my feelings.

Reason? I saw him at the ceremony, he's on duty.
I guess my six sense towards these kind of things is always so true?

I wanted to really speak to someone about my feelings.
But I guess, my friends around me already sian-ed. :/

When the ceremony starts, he's the ushering the VIP. I was stunned. Immediately, I called up Weilin(he's my invited guest, cos Huimin+I went his graduation ceremony). I told him that I saw him. After the VIPs arrived and the National Anthem sang, we sat back at our seats.

My phone rings, 2 smses from Saen + Huimin. On twitter, 1 tweet from Fendy. Their tweet/sms are to tell me about him.

The moment I saw him, my heart beat went faster, hands turned cold. Reason? I'm nervous, he's here. When replying to my friends, the flashbacks came back.

When I was sat down by myself, my heart sank further. I feel like crying then.

I tweeted, I sms bff, Wilson. But then, I did not really tell much to them either. At the moment, I totally have no mood to talk to the friend beside me or anyone else.

I ever thought of getting out from the convention center the moment I saw him for a good crying.

Flashbacks: We attended ceremonies together. When it's my ceremony, he'll attend mine alone. (The last one was ITE Merit Award) When it's his ceremony, I'll attend his alone. (The last one was Lee Kuan Yew Scholarship) He feels proud for my achievements, and I felt the same for him, not forgetting taking photos together. Every time, when we attend each others ceremony, our parents will never tag along due to busy or cannot make it. The feelings is really very different, something like husband+wife.

When I saw him, the ceremony flashback came back. The flashbacks of us talking to each other, seeing each other, the period of time when we're together all came back. I know this matter has passed for half a year already, but I just can't help it but tears flowing down to the cheek.

When I saw him, it's a mixed feeling. I did not prepared to see him at the ceremony. I really thought I will not have to see him, but it's maybe a fate, a test if I've really forgotten about him, if I've really got over him? I guess, results shown, I'm still not.

When I saw him, the flashback of the way we talk to each other nicely comes back. The flashback of the not nice way of talking also back. There's too many flashbacks we had. Be it the unhappy or the happy ones, everything seems like just yesterday. The breakup seems like just yesterday too. My heart sank.


Yes, I would really hope that he'll actually feel happy for me on graduating. I would really hope that he'll wish me congratulations for on graduating. I would want to know what's his reaction when he saw me, when I'm on the stage. Did he look at me? Did he clapped for me? I find him nowhere after the ceremony.



Smiling hard when you're not in the mood is definitely not easy.


The detailed ones, happier ones with photos will be up in the next entry, maybe few days later or something.



Yes, I cried when writing this entry.

sigh!

The previous post is not a good one.
Totally D E M O R A L I Z E D.

Anyways, on the 16th, sudden called up by friend to go out for jalan+dinner. Thus, after dinner, we went for Kbox & catch the last train. (Literally last train; I ran for the last train for my first time. Ha!) &the moment I got onto the train, someone sat on the floor, resembles HIM so much. I stare and look, thinking if it was him anot. But luckily, it wasn't him. If it was him, I really dk how to face?

Then, was on a phone chat with Huimin + Weilin all the way from 1am to 6am on 17th. Chatted alot regarding r/s, studies. Talk about studies, it's once again back to university.

NTU, NUS - To appeal.
SIT - Awaiting for result, but mostly 10% passing rate?
Global SIM - Gonna think of one course that I'm going to apply. Registration fees is bloody expensive, $64.20.

I'm actually kinda happy for Huimin. She's so clear of her path now.
For me? I'm only stuck at "I want to go to university and continue to study." (I sounds like I'm comparing, but actually not. I'm just like dilemma in what path should I be at.) Sigh!

On the 18th, supposed to catch a movie with Bff, but we do not have any movies to catch, thus postponed. &timing was just so right, when movie was cancelled, another group of friends asked out for window shopping and dinner at Orchard. Almost going for another Kbox session, but timing dont fit, went home.

Today, went back to Orchard this morning at 11am to Tangs Private Sales. I've gotten myself Ralph Lauren Romance Perfume. $159 :) This perfume I really love it alot + many of the time, wanted to just write under my wishlist waiting for my friends to get for me. But, I've gotten it myself, finally like after 3-4years of waiting. I got to know this brand of perfume is from a sample, the moment I tried, I fall in love with it. Only he knows I like this perfume. Until today, then maybe more afew people know?

From the 18th onwards, as days nearing Graduation Day, I started to worry what if I would to see him during the Graduation Ceremony. I tweeted to ask for advices. Advices given: "Pretend not to see him, but if really happens to see each other directly, just give a smile." "Pretend never see each other, pretend as a stranger." "Say Hi if see each other." And I thought the best solution is "Pretend not to see him, but if really happens to see each other directly, just give a smile."

But today, I texted my friend who had attended the ceremony, she told me that she saw him. This means that I've a very high possibility of seeing him at the ceremony as well. What should I do? Right now, I really still thinking that we still might be friends? Like, at least, he'll come to me, congrats on your graduation? But come on, my friends will definitely scold me, "Wake up from my damn idea." Sigh. I really don't want to have awkward situation. I rather not to see him at all, otherwise, friends? Perhaps I really need the closure that sighz mama told me. Sigh sigh sigh! I thought of speaking to someone, but none in the list online able to talk too much about.

Tomorrow, I'm attending Weilin's Graduation Ceremony, 8am to be in school. I'm seriously scared to see him. If I'm seeing him as a friend, still not so bad. We're not friends at all? I will still run when I see him.

Does anyone really know about how do I feel? Sigh!

Ending my entry with the perfume that I've bought.


(Now I'm so confident that I'm so sure going to see him. He's on duty on 18th, my friend saw him today. Nevertheless, 20th + 21st he'll be there. HOW!?)

Demoralized

To be frank,
I'm feeling demoralized.

So what, I'm considered a good scorer in the class?
Merely a GPA of 3.245 can't get you anyway, like seriously.
At least, in the local U, you're not eligible.

Getting a 3.245, friends around you will say, "Wow! You had good results. You did not bad already." It seems this case, you're right.

But, not for local U, do you know?
Both local Us that I've applied, rejected my application.
With this result, if you're telling me that I'm good, please tell me why am I not being selected?

Seriously, I'm very very upset.
I thought that I'll get into one of the uni. However, the local ones, their standard are so much way higher. How am I going to get in? I'm the one that's not hardworking enough.

Totally D E M O R A L I Z E D ! :(

I thought it was him.

My friend, Weilin called me said he met someone at Admiralty!

At the first thinking, I shouted out, "You saw Alvin?!"

In the end, it was someone else.

This shows that, my mind still is HIM, not others yet, right?

exactly half a year

threeupdates for 04may2010:

Jolene Chua's Birthday
生日快樂HOR!!
Sweeeeet 18th OKAYYYYYYYYY! ❤

SIT Interview.
Totally lost, i guess.

&lastly, it's exactly sixmonths, half a year.
date of today: exactly half a year, sixmonths.

Does He Really Love Me?

Updates: He's back in school again anyways, from today onwards.
Discharged, Normal, Better.

-----------------------------------------

I just got home, checked email, &found out this, &I read on.
The past flashbacks cameback.

"Does He Really Love Me?"

(Source from: http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/rd.asp?id=2096)
Or is he in it just for the sex? 7 definite ways to tell.

'Does he really love me?' -- some women pick petals off a daisy for the answer, but there's actually a more definite way to tell: Love experts dish out the seven clear signs of a man in love.

1. He is affectionate, and not just sexually

"Men in love can never get enough contact from the woman they love," explains Lance McKeithan, author of Understanding Men. They'll want to hold your hand, cuddle, hug and kiss -- these are basically the actions of a man in love. Don't confuse sexual touching with these displays of affection, though. "If he can't keep his hands off you but every time he touches you it turns into sex, this may not be love but lust," adds McKeithan.

2. His actions are consistent with his words

Some men are so good at whispering sweet nothings, they can make you feel on cloud nine with honeyed words alone. But "don't be fooled by his words, especially if they are contrary to his actions," cautions McKeithan. Look to his actions for the real answer. For instance, when you're down with a nasty cold, a sweet-talker will say things like "I'd trade places with you if I could, sweetheart" but then still proceed to meet with his buddies at the pub anyway. A man who truly loves you, on the other hand, thinks of your welfare every time, and acts in a thoughtful, affectionate, and selfless manner. He will cancel his night out to take care of you -- even if it means missing the Liverpool match.

3. He plans future for the two of you

A man who genuinely loves you will want to share his future with you. Period. "Just remember this. Every man you have every dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has 'issues' with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you," says Greg Behrendt, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You. If he's hesitant or gives excuses whenever you bring up the topic of marriage, he doesn't love you enough to want to settle down with you. Move on as quickly as you can.

4. He loves to make you happy

A man in love makes you feel loved. He won't compare you with his ex. He won't openly flirt with other women to make you jealous. He's great to be around and he loves to make you smile. Men in love don't have excuses for why they can't find ways -- they don't need to be nagged to do this or bribed to do that. "If you're with a man who puts up a fight when it comes to doing something that will bring a smile to your face, he's probably with you only for sex," explains McKeithan.

5. He loves spending time with you

You can easily spot a man in love through his attitude. "If he loves you, he wants to spend time with you, and everything you do together is a pleasure, not a chore," says McKeithan. You can be watching DVD re-runs for the tenth time on weekends, running errands together, or some other less-than-fun activities, but he still enjoys your company.

6. He is not easily annoyed by you

"Even when you break his favorite mug he is more concerned with your well being than a few shards of porcelain," reveals McKeithan. That's not to say that he's a pushover, but he is certainly not a man who is easily annoyed, angered, or agitated by the things/mistakes/accidents you do.

7. He is emotionally available

A man in love should be able to love you freely, meaning he must not be already married or engaged to another women or otherwise emotionally unavailable.

"No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot full and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing," says Behrendt. What you're getting from him is scraps and it doesn't bother him that he's short-changing you. Do you call that real love? Not to mention that he's okay with cheating. He may be in it for the sex or the thrill -- but certainly not for love.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Out of the 7 points, I especially 'highlighted' the last line in purple, which kinda remains of the past, like seriously. That line is like so true? It will have a lot's of things unexplained at that line, except a few friends whom might know about it.

"I don't understand why people like to stalk their ex-s and new girlfriends/boyfriends."

This line usually appears around after breakup, isn't it? However, I guess, that's the reason they care? the reason for couldn't letting go? the reason for many many other reasons that cannot be spell out? It's just like something that cannot be explain? Like something why you're in love with someone.

For the very first time, after a chit-chat session with friends at Holland V, makes me don't feel sleepy/doesn't want to sleep mood. IDK why. I mentioned alot of him during our conversations.

Hmmm......

Goodmorning?

Heart Infection, worst case: heart transplantation?

Updates:

He's diagnosed with heart infection. Worst case is a heart transplantation?

But he can updates his status means, he's fine right?
He's not that serious?

&i'm more concerned about his family actually.

He's in ICU now.

I received news that He's in ICU now.
From what I hear and what I see,
I just don't think he's in a very serious condition.

But then, because of him,
I feel that I'm troubling people unnecessary.

I just don't know why.
I feel kinda depressed?
Reason for depressed, I also don't know.

Just don't have the mood at all for now.
Perhaps, all I'm worrying is for his mom and his gf.

Perhaps, I'm just too much.
I shouldn't be troubling my friends about his things.
I bet they'll feel I'm a very 麻煩 person.

In any case,
thank you to all my friends for tolerating my nonsense.

Sigh! :(

P.S: He changed his number already.

Bon Voyage

I don't like to listen people to tell me “一路順風".
(Reminds me of the continue part when we joke about it.)

I prefer "Bon Voyage".

Updates!

17th March 2010
I went for my DBS interview &reached like half hour earlier when it's supposed to be at 11am.
The whole interview is like about 1 hour. After which, I met up with Fendy &had lunch at Ramen Ten @HarbourFront Centre. Then we headed to Plaza Singapura to get his friend's pressie. However, kinda wasted trip. &we headed down to Bugis as I'm supposed to meet my cousin after her school :) Fendy joined us as he had to go for sensei at 5pm. So, we headed to Ksuite, our first attempt at $18nett (Student Promo). Unfortunately, we did not take photos -.- &after Ksuite, my cousin and I headed to 313@somerset for Marche while Fendy heads home.

Marche is nice :) We did not take any photos on the food. But we took polaroid on ourselves :D
&we talk about chemical warmer packs. I'll have to get that for my Taiwan trip. I can't imagine how cold it'll be. After the whole dinner, we went for photoshoot. Photoshoot on her &myself. using her DSLR. :)


Using the polaroid


Photoshoot taken by her.

Her's over here.

18 March 2010
I stayed at home & clearing HK dramas. 《法證先鋒 I & II》

19 March 2010
I met up with Weilin, Jack and Swee Guan to the Taiwan Visitor Association to get something done for our Taiwan trip. The place is located at Shenton Way. But, I only got to travel to HarbourFront + wait for Weilin, &Jack drove us to Shenton Way. :) After getting the things done, Swee Guan drove us to CCK :) Then we talk about Taiwan trip alittle while waiting for Andy and Wilson to come. We're meeting for a dinner at the very last minute. &surprisingly all are free! :) I texted them, "Are you free, we're meeting for dinner before we fly off. &meeting at 6.30pm to 7pm at CCK." &they are so steady :) When they had arrived, Swee Guan drove us to Austwine (to find Huimin :)) &had our dinner over there. &last minute, we opened a bottle of White Grape Dessert Wine &a glass of Red Wine. It's just craving. :) But still, I don't really like the strong alcohol smell. -.-

Some pictures to share :)


20 March 2010
I met up with Huimin and Weilin &we went to Bugis to the temple praying. &we went for lunch at Pastamania at Bugis Junction, &chit-chatted until time for Huimin to leave for work. Then, Weilin & I went for shopping as I wanted to get some winter wear -.- In the end, Weilin spent 20bucks for 2 T-shirts from Jeep. As for me, I spent 5bucks on changing my watch's battery & the retail girl kinda 'damage' my watch but still repaired it for me, took me like 20mins of waiting -.- Then we parted & I went to IMM. I regretted cabbing over. It's freaking expensive when I board the cab start rate is already near 8bucks. Peak Period + City Area. When I reached IMM, it's a total of $20.55. Duper ex, pls. :( Then I spent like about nearly $100 on getting some thermal wears for the trip. But still not enough! I seriously not sure what should I do with it. I'm kind of trying to save up in another bank, din want to get the money from there. :/ OMG!
Checklist not done. Everything not done. But at least, I'm getting scarf from my cousin on the 23rd :)


21 March 2010
&today, I was asked to go for Food Fair at Expo. I rejected, I'll have to help Mom to get her things. So, this explain everything. I'll be staying at home, chatting on MSN, watching Dramas & Variety shows. Should be it already :)

What an long entry I had for today.
Bye!