This isn't working out

Sometimes, the reason why I want to be frank all out, is to make the other party to understand my most inner thoughts. For this, I wish the party will even standby me. However, all that Ive shared with the other party, it's proving to me otherwise.

Now the question even pop up, "Are you even interested in me?"

I really feel very very demoralized, do you even thought why did I sleep at 4am, and did not go to work? Do you even care I sleep at 4am and I did not go to work?

Even you knows that whatever you said I cannot take it, but you continues, you knows I will be hiding somewhere to cry my heart out. But why are you even treating me as if I'm not your partner? All you feel that you given all out is from salvaging it, but the other party feels you're ruining it. There's no right or wrong in the situation. It's just both parties that cannot understand the whole situation and no one is giving in.

My way of giving in, is to stop the whole conversation, stop stop stop. Just stop telling me all your unhappiness with me. I also feel that I'm a failure. Able to talk senses to people, but not to ownself and partner.

Want to have an rely on partner, but it was all knocked off and killed off.

I really don't know what to do already.

Tell me what should I do.

Tell me what should I do?

I am not as you think of. I may look as if I really understand you, but if I do understand you, I could have know what's in your mind.

I never thought of you saying I'm demanding when I haven even started my demands, because my ex bf gave me a very strong lesson on this. I told myself I will never let it happened again, and it happened unknowingly, at least to you.

Tell me what should I do.

P.S: This is the second time I am being said as "demanding" from the same person.

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I believe alot of people will be like me.
Finding online jobs, to earn more extra cash.

No harm trying this

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I guess, this will be the extra sideline job.


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It's time, a new year 2014

I wanted to blog something else besides my personal thinkings.

But, at this timing, this hour, I really feel I want to have a talk with someone to be happier from whatever I had at work and personal.

Yet, at this time, I find no one. There's only one, who claims to be sick and provoking me and slicing me into pieces.

A same old matter for 4 days, we fought for 4 days. He feels tired, so am I. But, what's the use? What's the use of fighting over the same issue, when you approaches people's suggestions and slices the person off? To me, I am innocent,  I even stood at your position and think. To him,  I saying 1-sided story to my listening ear. If this is the case, the first thing comes into my mind is, whatever story I've said to him before regardless is it my friends, my work.. He could have think it as 1-sided story and couldn't stand with me. I really feel depressed about it when I put sooooooo much trust in you.

Eventually, the story ends at I am demanding. I demanded things from him. And think about it, who is he to feel demanded and pressurize when he's not my other half. Probably,  I will demand in my other half, but he is not. I swear to God, using my life, I never had demand from him. If I did, the moment I fall asleep,  dont allow me to wake up, I will be dead silently in bed else otherwise.

It really breaks my heart after going out with each other a year plus and you have such mentality with me.

So, the last option I go to is, block all SNS from him. This way, I will not feel hurt, I will be better off, I can live better as well. I rather MIA from this world than taking all the unnecessary blames. At work is also in this way, at personal as well.

This is my dead spot.

I slept for 15 hours after a long time!

It's been very long since I can sleep for so long.
Mind you, 15 hours at one go.

I feel good, but I know I got to wake up and eat my meals etc.
Finally I'm feeling better since CNY started.

The only day I feeling so relaxed and no depress, upset at all.
I hope the day will continue to tomorrow and after and forever.

I actually do suspect if I'm having depression, I feel so no mood at all and wants to stay out late, roam on streets.

But right now, guess what am I feeling?

I feel like heading to office and work.
Yes, you heard me right, I feel like working.

I dont want to receive shits from work tomorrow.
I dont want a blue Monday.

:'(

Nuffnang, I'm back.

It's very long since I'm back.

Out of school due to "financial" problems, gone to working life so that I can continue to study.
I did not forget this blog nor did I abandon this blog.

If I did, I could have closed it down.

Last post was dated on 09092011.
Today is 07022013.

Indeed, more than 1 year I haven been here. Still, I remember all my heart-felt feelings and stories written here.

Times flies, a year of university studies are over, and I'm not into my second year instead.
University friends are closing their year two in few months time, while I'm struggling to save money for studies and debts.

I hope this year gonna be a good year for me actually.

I will try to revive my blog once again, and to back to Nuffnang's Glitterati aggin like few years back.
I still love Nuffnang! *xoxo*

MY Feelings

我想我应该陷下去了
我喜欢你～
























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Give a title yourself

I would like to have some time alone and back to crack on my study.

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Location:Toa Payoh N,,Singapore

Resignation Day

I have not been blogging for 4 months. And it's just like an eye of blink, and we have broke up for 1year&6months. This also means that he is being with her for 1year&6months too.

Times flies right? Today is also the day that I submitted my resignation letter too. I'm in this company/ project for five months. Met new colleagues, be it in Singapore or other countries, I'll say it's fun-loving.

Workload is as heavy as usual. Last Friday, my Team Lead just tendered, and today's my turn. Is it the company not good? Well, I'll say that it's just the pay or the workload stress?

And last night, I guess I'm too excited to resign? I couldn't sleep! :( I slept at nearly 1am, woke up at 2am due to heavy thunder, then woke up at 4.30am for nothing and woke up at 6.45am for work.

Now, I'm yawning away, but seriously not feeling tired.

If my resignation letter is accepted, I'm left with 1 month job(plus training for understudy) and 2.5 days of leave to clear. Assuming that my school is starting in end June, I'm excited to go for trip again before my uni starts!

Ok, be honest, I've been traveling to overseas, but just nearby. End march to KL, end april to KL &mid may to Penang. And friends around me is saying that I'm going oversea every weekends, but just still ok leh. HAHAHAHAHAH!

I'll want to work hard for my uni and heading to London in my year 2&3.

I'll love to go back Penang, cos I haven visit the beautiful places, and yet to try their food.



Relax to be! :)




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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore

Emotion kills

Today really is a bad bad day. I'm seriously got no mood to do anything? I felt that I'm doing work just for the sake of doing. Not feeling tired, yet feel like overstress?

Again, not really overstress but seems like no one is helping on my workload. I can sense that my colleagues are helping me. They are really sweet to me.

Asking me not go stay back late at office, helping me to clear cases in the system, concerning me, having talk with my boss etc. On the other hand, yet I've alot of things from various areas? Totally not describable.

The feeling is totally OMG. I literally flared up at my colleagues many times. I dont mean it, I hope I don't offend anyone. Sigh!

Moody!



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Location:Jurong East Central,Singapore,Singapore

Updates!

Last night supposed to visit my mom, but my workload is too heavy. Thus, time delayed, din went again :(

Left office at 8.30pm instead. Late, it's pretty late. But on the journey home, PIE had heavy jam. Reason? Accident and someone is dead. The feeling when you saw someone lying on the floor is very eerie? I don't know how to explain, but it's definitely not a good feeling.

Anyways, I guess my work is pretty fun and loving, beside one colleague.



Fun communicating with my colleagues...



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Location:Jurong East Central,Singapore,Singapore

4thagain

It's 4th. Oneyeartwomonths
Yay yay. I know I have to let go.

Last night, was on the phone with a lost long friend. The feeling is really good knowing when he's still there for you even after few years of din contact?

Anyway, he practically knows everything of me. &supposed to sleep like 10.45pm, but was on the phone with him until 12.40am. Dead tired, but lie in bed/ sleep until 2am. Auto wakeup! Sigh! Eventually, I feel that I din sleep the whole night :(

When I woke up, stomachache until now. T.T



Now, let me try to rest.

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Location:Boon Lay Way,,Singapore

Updates!

This week, everyday OT! Tiring too the max.

Yesterday, had a dinner gathering with my usual clique. Meeting time suppose to be at 7pm. But I only managed to reach at nearly 8.30pm! OT until 7.30pm, boss aka colleague drives me to Vivocity, but im lost at Vivocity -.- totally lame.. But it's a gathering ah, feel tired and relax at the same time.

In fact, the moment, I reached the place, I starts to yawn. Feels super tired :(

&i slept my day through out. All the way until 3.30pm, and again, I'm going to sleep soon! And I'm busy until I lost counts the dates.

Again, it's 4th again. Time really flies, oneyearonemonth already! Probably, it's high time to let go? I don't know still..

Prolly, I really love my tiring life. It's really tiring, at the same time, at the minimum, my mind don't go wild thinking. :)

Goodnight.

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Location:Jurong East Street 21,Singapore,Singapore

2 weekdays w/o blogging.

If you have notice, I will blog every weekdays morning. That's the reason because I'm on my way to work alone.

But if I did not blog for any weekdays, that means I'm still on my way to work but it's with my colleague :)

That applies why there's missing entries in the weekdays. &usually weekends, I'm either resting or busy working for another job. Now, I'm still feeling tired.

But! Friday is awesome. Though I skipped my company's dinner (not D&D), I get to reach home at about 4.30am after accompany William for waiting bus at my place. Still, all thanks to Don for driving us back though you guys were in hurry. Thanks and million of thanks. I felt paiseh at the same time. Should have asked Don not to drive us back when we know he's in a hurry.. I hope everything is ok.

That day, end work early, of course! :)

Working overnight after another job ain't easy. It's tiring.

Now, I'm heading to job again.
Have a nice day ahead yeah! :D

Oh yeah!!! Weijian releasing his second album on 17 December 2010! I'm listening to his new release preview while blogging! Hehehe!



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Location:Malacca St,,Singapore

8.30am onwards..

Last night, supposed to clean up and arrange the office, so that the moment we start the day, we can start work, but after we had dinner treat from boss, then we're told that, there's nothing we can do about it. That's because, the previous co.'s things etc are still there. And we can't do anything about it.

In the end, after the dinner, (by the way, it's pizza hut.) we went home. But by the time we left the office, it's already 8.30pm. Ugh, it's late right? But I guess it's just the work life yeah. :)

&as of today onwards, my working hours from 9am changed to 8.30am officially. That means I got to wake up half hour earlier. And on Fridays, I'll be going to work 24-hours. &its freaking exhausting, wanted to push it away, but, I guess forget about it. Hopefully, it will be fun, then I'll not so exhausted. Otherwise, I'll be totally knocked out in the weekends.



Fridays will be a coffee/caffeine day. Caffeine/coffee will be just like mineral water. Otherwise, I seriously wonder how can I survive.. Unless, I'm able to sleep as early as 8/9pm.

Alright! Hopefully, the workload for later, will be light enough. These days, I enjoyed running around to users for troubleshooting.

P.S: I heard from my colleague that, one of her friend, just broke up from an 8 years of relationship. Upon hearing, I felt that, even an 8 years of relationship that I thought it will be 'no-problem' relationship. But it don't seems the case.



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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore

Conservative 2 days of him

Yesterday is the earliest timing that I knocked off from work and reached home kinda early out of the few days I've been working.

Today is gonna be the last day of working at 9am. Tomorrow onwards, 8.30am already. Hahahah! Gotta wake up early for work.

And it's conservative 2 days that I dreamt of him. First was a not very clear dream. Next is a very very clear dream. This dream is so clear that, when I woke up, it's like I'm in a reality.

Anyway, probably it's a good dream?



On this aside, thou my job is about HelpDesk Admin, I'm glad that I still get the chance to meet users and go around with engineers for few days before I really stuck in the office. Hahahah! But I think it's all fun and cool in this site office.

Have a nice day ahead!
I realized it's a very random post.

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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore

Working 24-hours non-stop

Working on Friday, 24-hours non stop is really very tired. I'm exhausted all the way until now.

Yes, now. I slept early last night, today I woke up, still feeling very tired!! :( But to be truth, I'm still looking forward to work despite on waking up early.

Maybe looking forward to work for new things. Hahaha! I hope later at work, it's not going to be bored and nothing to do for me again. I'll get real bored. Hahahah!

&realized that, I've been blogging almost everyday when I'm in the bus for work. This is really a good time.

&this morning, I'm really very random. He appears into my mind, somehow I did see him in my dreams, just that I can't recall what is it. But whatever it is, I smiled.



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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore

24-hours of work.

Today, I'm going to work from 9am to 6pm then continue to work from 8pm to 8am.

I'm awake since 6.45am. This is my first time working for the whole day non-stop after 3 years of rest? I've ever work in this way before in the past. It's totally exhausting. I really don't know if I'm able to stay awake anot.

Right now, I'm already still feeling tired, feel like sleeping already. I hope when I reach the office, I will be more energetic.

I'm prepared to have coffee at most of the time instead of mineral water.

&in this whole week, I have been attending meetings almost everyday. I'm not told if there's meeting today. However, my working shift is 9am to 6pm. Meetings have been ending as late as 7.30pm.



It's all because that we're following the Europe's timing. We're having meetings with the Europe, India, Malaysia. I'll say that all these experiences all new to me and it's good to have such experience. I wanted to upload a picture, but since it's having problem, I shall upload the next time.

Have a good day ahead!



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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore

Some updates

I've started working Full-Time as helpdesk admin. At the same time, I have another 2 Part-Time jobs. &there's another job on hand waiting for my reply.

My friends heard that I've taking up so many jobs. Their first question to me was, "Are you in need of money?" My reply to them is, "I'm just working since it fits my schedule."

I really did not think so much regarding to taking up so many jobs. When the jobs come, I just take it as long as the working hours fits in the schedule..

&for the first time, I'm spending alot alot money on anything more than usual. My bank is kinda drying up. -.-! I'm waiting for my pay to get in and fill up the big hole. Sigh!

Oh yeah. I won't deny that now I'm busy taking up on jobs. The mind won't wild run. Not only that, last Sunday I went to Jurong Point, he went too, but I did not see him at all. Guess, this is fate....

On a happier note, I've gotten myself a pair of heels from Gmarket. It had arrived yesterday. My first time getting shoes online. But the experience ain't bad. To end off this post, I'm posting the pair of heels I've gotten for myself




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Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore