How long is it since I last blogged?
It's been more than a year. How many readers left following to read blog? How many people are still actively updating their blog on their daily life?
For one moment, it was very in trend to keep blog updated and writes about our daily life.
For one moment, it was used to be pop and get earnings from.
For one moment, it was used as blog shop.
What's in trend now on blog?
I still miss blogging. 😢😢
Suddenly I wish to blog about this good friend I consider of.
Though we never meet before, we are kinda able to share everything under the sun in the world.
When he got problems, we will text each other. Now that I'm the one having problem, he gives me alot of suggestions what to do next.
I will say, only a guy can understand a guy's thinking.
We kinda on mutual understanding with each other. We only talk to each other on the phone once, even we known each other for more than 2 years. I don't feel awkward with him sharing things and listening to him. I do feel that, at this moment of time, I am glad to have him as my friend.
On the side note, to be honest, I maybe have forgotten how a boy-girl relationship works but at this point of time, we should still on honeymoon period instead. We are not even half a year or a year already. Many of the times, I will ask me myself, who are we? Are we boy-girl friend? Or we are just more than friends?
The interest you had for me from the day I know you until now:
1. You will be interested with my dance video, now not.
2. You will be more concern on how do I feel, what kind of pain I'm having, now not.
3. Due to lack of communication and we quarrelled, we said we will at least talk on phone 5mins before bed, now not.
4. We do not spend quality time at all, rather is just a companion to go out with. I feel this job any friend can do.
5. You will be spontaneous to accompany me for any dance events, now not.
All in all, maybe no love, no communication there's nothing left.
Not to say I'm perfect, I know I am not. I will say the things I don't like that you've done to me, I will share everything with you openly to gain your trust for me. But so what I am doing all these? There's no purpose if I am giving in 200% but you're giving in only 50% or lesser.
I feel as if I am just a gf with the title but behind it, I know nothing at all. I believe you do have the feeling. Because no proper communication at all, no understanding.
We are not the level of "we are having mutual understanding".
Just because we are not.
I've realised, the past few posts, is all about ranting. This is not going to make anything exceptional either. It's still my ranting post.
I know, it's absolutely fine to go out with friends and enjoy. The only thing that couldn't get into my head is.. "If usual meetings with bf, cannot meet until late nights is because of the mother, then why can a long awaited meeting with friends can be until late nights without worrying for mother"?
To me, this isn't making senses. I'm not calculative about it. I just can't see why we cannot have quality time and whenever we go out, you will never have a peace of mind with me. Either worrying for mother or not in the mood. I am tired of such dates already. If these are the dates, I would rather to stay home and do not have to entertain anyone, living in my own world.
Can anyone explain the rational behind the matter? Is this sarangehae in the first place or sarangehae isn't strong at all?
😔😔😔
Sometimes, the reason why I want to be frank all out, is to make the other party to understand my most inner thoughts. For this, I wish the party will even standby me. However, all that Ive shared with the other party, it's proving to me otherwise.
Now the question even pop up, "Are you even interested in me?"
I really feel very very demoralized, do you even thought why did I sleep at 4am, and did not go to work? Do you even care I sleep at 4am and I did not go to work?
Even you knows that whatever you said I cannot take it, but you continues, you knows I will be hiding somewhere to cry my heart out. But why are you even treating me as if I'm not your partner? All you feel that you given all out is from salvaging it, but the other party feels you're ruining it. There's no right or wrong in the situation. It's just both parties that cannot understand the whole situation and no one is giving in.
My way of giving in, is to stop the whole conversation, stop stop stop. Just stop telling me all your unhappiness with me. I also feel that I'm a failure. Able to talk senses to people, but not to ownself and partner.
Want to have an rely on partner, but it was all knocked off and killed off.
I really don't know what to do already.
Tell me what should I do?
I am not as you think of. I may look as if I really understand you, but if I do understand you, I could have know what's in your mind.
I never thought of you saying I'm demanding when I haven even started my demands, because my ex bf gave me a very strong lesson on this. I told myself I will never let it happened again, and it happened unknowingly, at least to you.
Tell me what should I do.
P.S: This is the second time I am being said as "demanding" from the same person.
I wanted to blog something else besides my personal thinkings.
But, at this timing, this hour, I really feel I want to have a talk with someone to be happier from whatever I had at work and personal.
Yet, at this time, I find no one. There's only one, who claims to be sick and provoking me and slicing me into pieces.
A same old matter for 4 days, we fought for 4 days. He feels tired, so am I. But, what's the use? What's the use of fighting over the same issue, when you approaches people's suggestions and slices the person off? To me, I am innocent, I even stood at your position and think. To him, I saying 1-sided story to my listening ear. If this is the case, the first thing comes into my mind is, whatever story I've said to him before regardless is it my friends, my work.. He could have think it as 1-sided story and couldn't stand with me. I really feel depressed about it when I put sooooooo much trust in you.
Eventually, the story ends at I am demanding. I demanded things from him. And think about it, who is he to feel demanded and pressurize when he's not my other half. Probably, I will demand in my other half, but he is not. I swear to God, using my life, I never had demand from him. If I did, the moment I fall asleep, dont allow me to wake up, I will be dead silently in bed else otherwise.
It really breaks my heart after going out with each other a year plus and you have such mentality with me.
So, the last option I go to is, block all SNS from him. This way, I will not feel hurt, I will be better off, I can live better as well. I rather MIA from this world than taking all the unnecessary blames. At work is also in this way, at personal as well.
This is my dead spot.
Location:Toa Payoh N,,Singapore
Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore
Location:Boon Lay Way,,Singapore
Location:Malacca St,,Singapore
Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore
Location:Pan Island Expy,Singapore,Singapore
